The Freedom of Forgiveness

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." — Ephesians 4:32

Bitterness is like holding onto a rattlesnake. Letting go might free the snake, but it also spares you from its venom. Forgiveness may feel like it benefits the other person, but in reality, it’s the one holding on to bitterness who suffers the most.

Forgiveness isn't about forgetting or pretending the hurt never happened. It's about making a conscious choice to release the grip that bitterness has on our hearts. Think of it like letting go of a rattlesnake—yes, the snake might go free, but you're the one who benefits most from no longer holding onto something dangerous. One of the best reasons to forgive is not what it does for them, but what it does for us.

Dr. Don Colbert, a medical doctor, once said in Deadly Emotions, “If you choose not to forgive someone, I guarantee that your toxic deadly emotions of resentment and hatred will continue to poison your system in ways that are just as dangerous as your taking in a literal poison. That's why I say this could be the most toxic of the emotions because of what it's doing to us. And you may go to the doctor talking about a physical problem while there is something at work underneath the surface, the root of bitterness invisible to the outside, to the naked eye.”

The choice to forgive is not just about releasing others—it’s about freeing yourself from the damage of bitterness. When we choose to forgive, we're not saying what happened was okay. We're not even saying we have to reconcile with the person who hurt us. Instead, we're choosing freedom for ourselves. We're choosing to stop allowing past hurts to control our present and future.

Forgiveness is not easy, especially when the hurt is deep, but it is essential for healing. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to forgive as God forgave us. Think about this: God didn’t wait for us to earn His forgiveness; He gave it freely through Jesus Christ. That same grace that saved us empowers us to forgive others.

But what does forgiveness look like? Forgiveness is not about minimizing the hurt or excusing the offender. It doesn’t mean saying, “It’s no big deal.” Forgiveness acknowledges the wrong but chooses to release the offender into God’s hands.

Forgiveness also doesn’t mean reconciliation. Reconciliation requires both parties to come together, but forgiveness requires only one—you. It’s a decision between you and God to let go of the offense and trust Him to bring justice in His time.

Dr. S. I. McMillan, in None of These Diseases, reminds us of the cost of bitterness:
“The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom, but more cruel than any slave-driver, he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my inner spring mattress becomes a torture. The lowliest surfs can sleep, but not I. I really must acknowledge the fact that I am a slave to every man upon whom I pour the vial of my wrath.” [S. I. McMillen, None of These Diseases (Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell, 1963), 35.]

Holding onto bitterness enslaves us—it takes away our peace, consumes our thoughts, and keeps us stuck in a cycle of pain. Letting go of bitterness may feel unnatural, but it’s the key to healing.

Steps to Forgiveness:

1. Admit the Hurt: Recognize and name the wound. Don’t minimize it by saying it wasn’t a big deal.
2. Accept God’s Forgiveness: Reflect on the forgiveness God has extended to you through Christ. Remember how He bore your sins on the cross.
3. Release the Offender: Let go of the need for personal justice and trust God’s promise in Romans 12:19: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”
4. Pray for the Offender: This step softens your heart and allows God’s love to flow into the situation.
5. Forgive from the Heart: Forgiveness is not just words—it’s a heart decision to let go and move forward.

Reflection Question: What rattlesnake of bitterness are you holding onto? How can releasing it and forgiving bring healing to your heart and freedom to your life?

Lord, I confess that I have been holding onto the venom of bitterness for too long. Help me to release it into Your hands. Teach me to forgive as You have forgiven me, and remind me daily that Your justice is perfect and complete. Set my heart free to live in Your grace and peace. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

From: "God's Answer for Bitterness": https://www.joshfranklin.org/media/s7kft67/4-god-s-answer-for-bitterness