The Process of Healing Your Hurts

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." — Ephesians 4:31

A preacher once shared a story about golfing with a deacon who marveled at the preacher’s calm demeanor during their games. The deacon said, “Preacher, you’re the most even-handed person I’ve ever seen. You always smile, no matter what happens. When I hit my ball in the water hazard or the sand trap or slice it into the rough, it shows all over me. But when you do the same, you just keep smiling!” The preacher smiled and replied, “Well, I might look calm, but let me tell you, everywhere I spit, the grass dies.” It’s a funny story, but it drives home a sobering point—bitterness can be hidden. While we may look composed on the outside, bitterness can fester in our hearts, eating away at us and poisoning everything we touch.

Bitterness often starts small—like a hurt or a perceived injustice—and grows quietly beneath the surface. Ephesians 4:31 warns us about the progression. It begins with harboring hurt, then turns into wrath (a slow, simmering burn), then bursts into anger (an outburst), and finally spills over into clamor, slander, and malice. By the time it manifests outwardly, it has already caused immense damage inside.

Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts someone else. It doesn’t. It only poisons us. That’s why God calls us to "put away" bitterness—not because the hurt didn’t matter or the injustice wasn’t real, but because bitterness destroys us, not the other person.

So how do we "put away" bitterness? The first step is to recognize it. Take an honest look at your heart and admit where you’ve been harboring resentment. The second step is to release it to God. Scripture says, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord" (Romans 12:19). Let God handle the justice. The third step is forgiveness—not because the person deserves it, but because God calls us to forgive as He forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Finally, pray for the person who hurt you. It’s hard to stay bitter toward someone when you’re actively bringing them before God in prayer.

Bitterness may feel like power—it gives us a reason to hold on to our anger—but in reality, it enslaves us. Letting go of bitterness doesn’t mean the hurt goes away overnight, but it does begin the process of healing.

Reflection Question: Have you been nursing a grudge or feeding bitterness in your heart? What would it look like to release it to God?

Father, I don’t want to live under the weight of bitterness. Help me to recognize where I’ve been holding on to hurt and to release it into Your hands. Teach me to forgive, even when it’s hard, and to trust that You are my just and righteous Defender. May my heart reflect Your grace and love. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

From: "God's Answer for Bitterness": https://www.joshfranklin.org/media/s7kft67/4-god-s-answer-for-bitterness