The Value of Friendships

In his book The Law of Happiness, best-selling author and Christian psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud helps explain some of the traits found in people who live happy lives. We naturally think that we live happy or unhappy lives because of our circumstances. However, according to his research, that only accounts for 10% of our happiness. 50% is based on our natural wiring (our biological makeup). A full 40% of our happiness can be attributed to practices that we control on a regular basis. That is the emphasis of his book.

In one of the chapters, Dr. Cloud expresses the value of friendships. He writes:

“One of my favorite studies is one, in which researchers put monkeys in a high-stress situation and measure the stress hormones in the monkeys' brains. After the baseline measurement was made, scientists changed none of the stress (loud noises, lights, and so forth) and did only one thing differently: they put another monkey in the cage. When they measured the stress hormones again, these were reduced by about half just because the monkey had a buddy in there with him! Remember the happiness formula that we looked at earlier, how almost half of your happiness comes from matters that you can control (10 percent circumstances, 50 percent natural wiring, and 40 percent practices that we control)? Remember, no difference in circumstances or in the monkey's genes were introduced. The difference in stress level occurred because of the other 40 percent in a person's life, the part he or she can control: whether or not you are alone in a stressful world. And just like the monkey's stress level was cut in half, we know from research that the same kind of relief can be yours as well. Get some other monkeys in the cage of life with you." [1]

Isn’t that an interesting discovery? Of course, thousands of years before these findings were published, the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon, wrote:

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 (NKJV)
9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
 
I also like how the New Living Translation reads in verse 9: “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” It is important to invest in relationships. Ask God to help you find some friends who can strengthen you and lighten the emotional load. If possible, invest time and effort in your church community. God has made us for relationships. They are worth the effort.

Dear God, thank you for helping me cultivate positive friendships and begin to build new ones. Lord, help me understand the value of these friendships and invest in them. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
 
[1] Henry Cloud, The Law of Happiness (New York: Howard Books, 2011), 98.